Our First Night

One of my favorite parts of pregnancy was setting up Henry’s nursery. We picked out a theme (sea creatures), painted (blue, of course), built furniture, and had my grandfather repair and restore the cradle I slept in when I was a baby. My beautiful and talented friend Kellie lovingly painted an alphabet to teach him his letters AND animals. We put up shelves and filled them with books and toys, and spent hours getting the curtains hung up straight. It is, if I may say so, an absolutely gorgeous bedroom for an absolutely gorgeous boy. And he has spent roughly 15 minutes sleeping in it. Having read that months 1 and 4 are the highest risk for SIDS, I was just afraid to let Henry sleep in his own room. It comforted me to wake up and hear his breath and his little sleep coos, knowing he was fine.

All that changed last night, though. Since Bubba-zubs (that child has more nicknames than he’ll ever know what to do with!) has passed that 4-month milestone, we decided it was time for him to inhabit that beautiful room we made for him.  He ate a huge dinner, surprised himself with a giant burp, and drifted off to sleep as usual. Elvis put him down in his crib, turned on the monitor, and closed the door. He slept quietly for about 10 minutes, and then began fussing. His fussing quickly turned to all-out shrieks, which was pretty frustrating. Typically, Henry is a very calm and content baby and only cries when he’s hungry (even then, he gives great hunger cues). So his serious wails were pretty heart-wrenching. We went in and I picked him up to nurse him back to sleep. Elvis read him another bedtime story, and oh-so-slowly he drifted back off to sleep. I very slowly laid him down in his crib, kissed his beautiful forehead and wished him sweet dreams, and held my breath. He was out like a light that time.

I was worried I wouldn’t be able to sleep without the gentle white noise he’s provided these past 4 months, but I too was out like a light. I slept through the night, and when I woke up this morning, the hardest night of my motherhood (so far) was over! We made it! And it can only get easier from here … right?

How Do I Love Thee ... ?

All the books and knowing mothers in the world didn’t prepare me for the overwhelming, all-consuming love I feel for this squirmy, adorable little man I birthed 4 months ago. I never wanted to be a mom when I was growing up, in part because I just never really liked kids. To tell the truth, I still don’t. Children are fine on a case-by-case basis, one at a time. But I was never the girl who got all googly-eyed at the prospect of a houseful of kids. Then Henry was born, and all my non-maternal instincts flew right out the window.

I, who cherish sleep like some women cherish chocolate, cheerfully hop out of bed before sunrise every morning to feed and comfort the newest love of my life. I, who am so uncomfortable with "bodily unpleasantries" that Elvis never even heard me pee until after we were married, have been messed on now more times than I can count. I’ve cleaned Henry’s bodily waste off of clothes, bedding, furniture, my own hair & skin, and – once – the wall (the kid has great aim. I’m so proud). I, who am completely skeeved out by feet, worship and kiss the pudgy little toes of my child, loving each precious piggy individually with an intensity I couldn’t have imagined even 6 months ago.

I never thought I could love another person so wholeheartedly, so unreservedly. I always want to be next to him, enjoying his smile, inhaling his sweet baby smells, and kissing his perfect upturned nose. I wake up in the night, wishing it were permissible to wake him up and hold him, just to see that toothless grin spread across his face at me and feel his sleepy body curl against mine.

He changed my life completely in a single moment, simply by being. Talk about a miracle!